my blindside… His Foresight

Posted: February 9, 2009 in Uncategorized

I guess this will be the final entry for this blindsided series.  As corny as it might sound, and as trite as might sound I went to church today and found God waiting.  I left this morning with a burning hatred and anger in my heart towards this whole situation.  I might have resigned myself to accepting it but I will freely admit that I did not like it at all, and cannot say as I do more now than I did this morning. But something changed, I brought the situation to God and found He had a different idea than I did about this whole situation.  I am not going to say that God told me to be all cheery and be happy about the situation.  I am not going to say that he mystically took away my anger, and frustration over the situation.  I will say that he gave me a new perspective on the situation.  Or actually showed me that while I might have been blindsided he most certainly was not and knew it was coming the whole time.

Earlier this week I was preparing, as I do each week, for my weekly supervision meeting with  my supervisor.  I jot down notes on subjects, situations and other things that need to be discussed and a supervisor’s stamp of approval or disapproval be placed on them.  One thing that I had written down of my own accord was that I would need another project to be working on. Things had slowed down and I was having time on my hand, so there was the idea of my own accord that I would need something else to be focusing on.  So already he was preparing my heart for a change.

And if I may put words into the mouth of my teammate at the office that is being transferred he was preparing him I think for a new task as well.  Thursday evening he and I were speaking on the phone after hours about the situation of another staff member quitting their position from the foster care team without proper notice.  I wish that this was a new thing but here lately in our office it has been an most too uncommon thing.  And as this was where he had transferred from, he shared the thought with me that he could offer his time to them to help in the interim so that the program could continue to run smoothly.  Of course I told him to keep his mouth shut, because I was being selfish and didn’t want to loose him.  But sure enough the very next morning the news rolled down and back he was going.

And the final support was there before I even knew it.  As a part of being a small group leader at the church I receive, on Wed. afternoons, the outlines for the Pastor’s sermon on Sunday mornings.  This is so the small group leaders can incorporate the subject matter into their lesson plans and maintain a congruity in all the services and ministries of the morning.  Well on Wed. I read the outline and pondered it for the remainder of the week. But I let it settle before I received the news on Friday morning of the pending changes at the office.

Then this morning I went into the service to help with the invitation during the first service which I normally do not attend.  But occasionally will come in during the altar call to assist as a counselor. As I waited outside in the hallway for the Pastor to reach the prayer time so I could slip in without disturbing the service I heard the last part of his message. And I heard him speak of disciples going through trials so that God could not deliver them from the trial but help them through the trial. In order that that person might be a picture, witness of beacon to others to point them to God.

I left the service and afterwards in between that service and the next asked the Pastor to pray with me so that I could receive guidance regarding how to proceed with the situation.  Then during the second service I listened to the message in its entirety.  And realized that the points that he discussed where extremely relevant to me and had been there before my supervisor shared the news with me.  The senior pastor shared the news that trials are there to discipline, develop and display.  Now there was much more to his sermon but these three D’s I focused on.  It is entirely possible that he is disciplining me for arrogance, pride or a whole other host of things that I will not deny that I am guilty of.  I will not doubt that to walk through this trial and the days ahead will develop my character and who I am.  And I hope that when this trial is over that it will display not me but Christ and his example through my actions in the coming days.

I began this rant with saying that I do not like it, and I still don’t.  Perhaps that will be part of the developing part.  But whether I like it or not, whether I was blindsided or not, Christ knew it was coming saw it coming, designed its coming.  If I am going to maintain my integrity it has to be developed that in the days to come I focus on displaying a Christ like attitude and behavior in how I respond and carry out my duties at the office.  Blindsided or not, the response can’t be different.  It has to display Christ and not me.

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Comments
  1. Sarah says:

    Shawn,

    Thanks for sharing so authentically your heart and your struggles. I am so thankful to have been a good friend when we were at Taylor, and more to know that your heart has developed in a most sincere way. I applaud your heart transformation and the choices you have made, and are making and will continue to make. Make your life a living sacrifice. Make your work as worship unto God, and you will be living a life filled with integrity!

    Your Sister from TUFW days
    Sarah (Mathew) Curry

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